He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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