Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize