He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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