Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
