i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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