i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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