make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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