They should really pass out barf bags in church
He is an equal opportunity slut.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
