He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
