you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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