Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
