Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
