Non-Jews are for practice
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
