shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
