I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
