Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
