break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
