it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
