Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Randomize