i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
