sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
