it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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