Betty ford says i'm here all night
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize