I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
