It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
