My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize