I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
