would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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