i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
