I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I need a beard to bite.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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