and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
whose ass print is on the piano?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
