Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
