I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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