Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Randomize
