ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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