so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
