I don't think brook has ever known best
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
