so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
