We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
