ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Randomize
