you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
