You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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