The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
