now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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