He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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