He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
