She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
