Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
how drunk are you?
Several
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
