Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
