I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
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