Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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