I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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