If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
