So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
