I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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