If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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