I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
