so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
