He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
