I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
