I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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