Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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