Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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