just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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