Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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