So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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