woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
it glows. i had to have it.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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