I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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