I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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