Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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