So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just found puke in my bra..
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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