Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize