I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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