Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
