Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
